Coming Home

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“you don’t have to learn. how. to love yourself. you just have to remember there was nothing wrong. with you. to begin with. you just have to come home.”

Nayyirah Waheed

The information age. We have it all. Every opinion and statistic. It’s all around us at our fingertips. I have noticed that somehow all of this data has caused a disconnect. Even though there is so much I want to learn, the outward pull has shifted my focus away from the some of the answers that I now realize I can find within myself.

I certainly don’t have all the answers. I believe in the value of education. But when it comes to my health, my soul, my body, I know a thing or two. I know that my body needs sleep, nourishing food, and fulfilling movement through dance, nature and yoga. I know my heart and soul needs connection with others balanced with time alone enough to hear my own voice.

Sometimes I feel like I’m looking outside myself for the answers so much, I get confused. I stop listening within and I build up my world based on facts I have accepted as truth before I have even checked the sources and asked myself what is true for me. Or maybe I give too much credit to the authors and researchers than I give to my own wisdom.

Everyone is different. Every body is different. We all need different practices at different times. You may be challenging yourself by finding your physical limits and stretching them or acknowledging them and allowing yourself to rest.

Life is a dance. Moment to moment, we seek the truth, within and without, and we get to choose what we believe. It is when I seek the truth unconsciously that I find myself lost. When I arrived back to my hometown here in Austin, I stopped listening to myself. My hometown has a way of bringing out the little girl in me. I went from roaming warrior to helpless wanderer by simply arriving back to the place I started. I came home.

The fire of my inner warrior still lives inside me, even when I feel childlike and lost. It is when I stop to discern what is really me and what is opinion, critic, and judgment that I can hear the truth. I can identify the outside factors that are helpful and that don’t serve me. I can see the thoughts and patterns that are harmful and the ones that are good.

So what’s next when you recognize what needs to change? When you feel powerless do you ask opinion and search for knowledge? Where do you start?

Lean into the fire. Listen to the inner wise voice. It is not wishy-washy. It isn’t confused. It doesn’t depend on the latest health tips or nutrition research. It is your intuition that says “YES!” so loudly that your whole body smiles, and “NO” with such certainty that you feel the bricks of your core align. When your body says, “Go to sleep, rest,” and when your body says, “I’m uncomfortable, walk away,” you respond without asking why, without challenging. This is what it means to come home. You can shake off everything that is not you and respond whole-heartedly to yourself.

I use to think about who I wanted to become. I still see other women and think, “I want to be more graceful like her. I want to meet the world with confidence like her…” Sometimes I just need to remember that what I seek I already have. I may not embody those qualities, but it’s only because I am too focused on what I am not.

Lean into the fire. Lean into the fear. Who knew that loving yourself would be so damn scary? Listen to the truth inside of you. Your body knows what’s best. Come home to yourself… oh wait… you have already arrived! You are here. You are home.

 

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